Mamma, why is papa hiding a balloon in his drawer? How to answer awkward questions

You finish a long work call and realise your seven-year-old has been unusually quiet. You walk into the bedroom and find him standing near the bedside table examining a condom packet he has ripped open. “Why does papa hide balloons from me? Why does he not let me play with this chocolate flavoured one?” he complains. You are dumbstruck. What should you say? How can you pull the ‘balloon’ from his hand? Anju Kish, adolescent educator and founder of sexuality and safety education company UnTaboo, tells us how parents can answer awkward questions by giving just the right amount of information

Curiosity is a natural and vital trait in children . It helps them understand the world around them and pushes them to explore, discover and gain knowledge. While you may marvel at your child’s intelligence when she asks why the sky is blue, you may wish she would be a little less curious when it comes to certain awkward subjects. But that would be unnatural, wouldn’t it? If we don’t give our children the right, age-appropriate information, they’ll turn to the internet, peers, or who knows what else for answers. And that’s not what we want.
It’s really important to have honest conversations, but always in a way that fits their age and understanding. Remember, you don’t have to give all the information at once. It’s about having smaller, on-going conversations as they grow. Start with simple, basic answers in a language they can grasp, and then gradually build on it as they mature. This helps them feel comfortable asking questions and helps you guide them with accurate, responsible information. Here’s how you can respond to some common questions (selected based on repeated queries that come up during my workshops with young kids and parents) in a respectful, age-appropriate and non-sexual language.

When they ask you what a condom is…

You know how we wear masks to keep infections away? Or use sunscreen to protect our skin from getting burned? Or wear seat belts in cars to stay safe while driving? Well, condoms are safety tools like that, but for grown-ups. They’re special coverings that adults sometimes use to keep their bodies safe and healthy.
If you are ready to give more details, you can also add that a condom is a health tool that grown-ups use for something called ‘family planning’. You know how couples sometimes decide when they want to have babies and when they don’t? Condoms are one of the things adults might use when they’re not ready to start a family yet. Think about how we plant seeds in a garden when we want flowers to grow. Well, sometimes grown-ups aren’t ready to ‘plant the seed’ that would grow into a baby. A condom helps with that choice. It’s a private thing that adults use, and it’s part of the important decisions they make about their families and their bodies.

What does showing the middle
finger mean?

Our fingers can be used to tell people things without speaking — like sign language! Sometimes we use different fingers to mean different things. For example, when we need to go to the bathroom really badly, we might wiggle our little finger to convey that. We might use our thumb to convey ‘well done’ or thumbs down to convey that we don’ like something. In the same way, the middle finger is used by some people to show they’re really angry or to be mean to someone. It is a very rude gesture and very disrespectful, like how sticking your tongue out at someone is rude, but much worse. When someone shows their middle finger, it’s like saying a very bad word without speaking. It’s not a nice way to communicate feelings, and it can really hurt others’ feelings and make them sad or upset. Instead of using rude gestures when we’re upset, we can use our words to explain our feelings, like saying “I’m feeling angry” or “I don’t like that”. That’s a much better way to handle difficult feelings. Talking about how we feel helps others understand us better than showing mean hand signals.

Why do other kids snigger at the number 69?

Sometimes numbers are used as codes or secret messages to mean different things. For example, some kids might use the number two as a code when they need to use the bathroom to poop or use other numbers as secret messages between friends. The number 69 is like a code that grown-ups sometimes use to talk about private ways adults show affection to each other. It’s an interesting number because when you flip it upside down, it still looks the same! Adults sometimes use this number to refer to a special kind of private hug that’s only for grown-ups. When kids in your class laugh about this number, they’re usually just copying something they’re heard from older kids, movies, or somewhere else without really understanding what it means. They’re turning it into jokes that can make others feel awkward or uncomfortable, especially during class. It’s good to remember that it’s not a respectful word for kids to use.

When your child asks you what
the F-word means…

That’s an adult word that many people consider very rude and inappropriate. It means telling someone that you want to touch their private parts and that’s never okay. Sometimes people don’t mean to say that but just use it as a swear word when they’re extremely upset or angry. It’s like when something surprising happens and someone might say “Oh shit!” They’re not actually saying they want to shit; they’re just expressing their feelings. But it’s not a respectful way to talk to others. Just like how we learn not to push or hit when we’re upset, we also need to learn to use better words to express our feelings. If you hear others using this ‘F’ word, you don’t need to repeat it. Being respectful in how we talk shows that we’re mature and thoughtful.

— As told to Neha Bhayana